


i'm telling you/i'm telling you

by kira_khaleesi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Background GingerRose, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Happy Ending, Multi, POV Ben Solo, Pregnancy, Rey Dates Assholes, Rey Dates Other People, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_khaleesi/pseuds/kira_khaleesi
Summary: Over the course of ten years, Ben watches as Rey dooms herself to relationships ranging from terrible to toxic, until one night, he does something about it.--on hiatus as of aug 19 2020--
Relationships: Ben Solo & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49
Collections: Kira's Songfics, Red





	1. never ever ever

**Author's Note:**

> **please note that for the majority of this fic Rey will be dating other people.**  
>  never described in detail, but Ben watches her cycle through several relationships.  
> Let me know if there are tags missing.
> 
> Reylo endgame.
> 
> Based on We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift.
> 
> ">  
> moodboard by hellyjellybean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey: 2009-2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **content warnings**  
>  mentions of infidelity  
> one character gets very drunk and comes on to another character, who turns them down due to drunkenness  
> pregnancy (not the main pairing)

**August 8th, 2009**

* * *

“What’s this one’s name?” Rose shouts at Finn over the heavy beat of the music.

The bustle of the club Rose dragged him to is too much; not Ben’s scene at all. His ears are pounding and his leg jitters where it’s crammed under the table, but not even that can stop Ben from noticing the way Finn rolls his eyes. 

“Jacob.” Finn drawls, taking a big swig of his beer, “that one is Jacob.”

Following Finn’s gaze, Ben sees the girl Finn had introduced as his new roommate, somebody Rose knew from work who happened to be looking for a place at the same time as Finn’s old roommate moved out.

_I’m Rey_ , she had grinned in a lilting British accent, two dimples making an adorable appearance on her cheeks. 

“Are you sure he isn’t Henry?” Rose squints across the room, “he looks like Henry.”

Finn shakes his head. “Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “Henry was two weeks ago.”

Shrugging, Rose downs the rest of her drink. “They’ve all started to blend together, but who cares? I’m getting us _shots!_ ” She shouts, standing.

“Rose,” Ben groans, “You told me this would just be a fun night out- I’m too old to do shots.”

“Don’t be dramatic Ben,” Rose smiles, “you’re thirty-one not eighty-one.” 

And with that, she sashays off to the bar to place their order. Ben redirects his attention to Finn.

“So, how are things going with Rey so far?”

“It’s great.” Finn nods, “She’s tidy, quiet, and doesn’t own that much. Really likes plants.”

He turns his head to look back to where Rey and Jacob move together on the dance floor. Her almost too-short sequined dress and dark eye makeup look good but don’t really achieve what Ben suspects she was going for. “She looks young.”

Finn snorts. “She’s twenty-two.”

“Really?” Ben raises an eyebrow. “Jacob looks like he’s older than I am.”

“He is.” Finn frowns in the over dramatic way only someone slightly buzzed can. “I think she said he’s in his mid-thirties.”

“That’s...well,” Running a hand through his hair, Ben takes a deep breath before shaking his head. “No judgement, I guess.”

“If Jacob is anything like the last one, he won’t be around long enough for you to even make a judgement.”

Before either of them can say anything else, Rose comes back to the table with a server following closely behind with a tray of shots. Rolling his eyes, Ben begrudgingly takes one. 

_  
  
  
_

**July 23rd, 2010**

* * *

“Thanks for doing this, man,” Finn’s voice cuts in and out on the other end of the line. “I’m so sorry it’s last minute, they just called me up to-”

“-Not a problem.” Ben stoops to collect the hide-a-key to Finn’s apartment. “You know Beebee and I get along.”

“Well anyways, help yourself to anything that’s in the fridge, and it should only be tonight…” Trailing off, Ben can barely make out as Finn speaks to somebody else. “Hey, sorry. I really gotta go, but I’ll text you when I know more.”

The call ends, and Ben unlocks the door to Finn’s apartment, shutting it just in time to get rushed by the exuberant Corgi that Finn has owned for two years now. 

“Hey buddy,” Ben kneels and pats the dog’s head. Removing his shoes and coat, he walks into the kitchen and surveys the contents of the fridge. 

Finn had profusely apologized for ruining any Friday night plans Ben might have had, but it was no bother. Usually on Fridays, Ben cooks a nice meal and watches a movie. There is both a kitchen and TV at Finn’s place, so a change of scenery doesn’t do much to disrupt Ben’s plans. 

Ten minutes later, as he is emptying a bowl of chopped veggies into a frying pan while the noodles boil, the front door flies open and a harried looking Rey storms into the room. 

She stops short when she sees Ben, narrowing her eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“Finn got called out of town last minute and needed someone to watch Beebee.”

Rey huffs. “Right.”

“He thought you were away this weekend.” Ben lowers the heat on the stove and turns to face her.

“Yeah, well,” She crosses her arms, “I thought I’d be away too.”

Ben hums flatly, unsure what to say.

She takes a couple steps toward him. “You’re Ben, right?”

He nods.

“I’m Rey.” She holds out her hand.

Shaking it gently, he says “I know.”

Only a couple of feet away, Ben can see the flecks of green in her eyes, and the puffiness around her cheeks. Like she had been crying.

Rey rubs at her eyes. “What are you making?”

“Stir fry.” He rotates back to face the stove and turns the heat back up.

“It smells good.”

“Thanks.” Ben swallows. “Since you’re back, I’ll just finish cooking this and then leave you to-”

“-No!” Rey jerks, before blinking several times. “...I just mean, well, if you cooked dinner you can at least stay to eat it.”

Taking another look at Rey, with her slumped shoulders and sad eyes, Ben nods once. It seems like she could use the company.

Once they are seated at the table, Ben quietly watches Rey eat and wonders if he should ask. He wonders if there is a way to phrase it so that he doesn’t offend her. 

She is nearly half way done with her bowl of stir-fry when he settles on “Do you want to talk about it?”

Her chewing slows, and she swallows carefully before letting go of her fork and meeting his gaze. Ben tries to soften what Rose lovingly calls his scary stare as best he can, scanning Rey’s face as a multitude of emotions cross it. 

Surprise, followed by something defensive, and then, as she exhales, a resigned sadness. 

Tucking an errant strand of chestnut hair behind her ear, Rey clenches her jaw.

“You don’t have to-” Ben starts at the same time as Rey speaks.

“-Jacob is married.”

“ _What?!_ ” Ben exclaims, mouth agape.

“Yeah,” Rey clicks her tongue. “We were supposed to be going away this weekend...but, obviously…”

She waves her hand at herself, the implication clear. 

Ben frowns. “I’m sorry, I’m still- your boyfriend is married?”

Rey hums affirmatively, and Ben’s frown only deepens.

“Haven’t you been together for almost a year? How did you not know that he-”

“-Well it was on and off at first and it’s not like-”

“-was married? I mean there would have been some pretty clear signs-”

“-we lived together, and it only really started feeling serious in the last couple months, so-”

“-that he had a different life outside of-”

“- _Stop._ ” Rey shouts. “Stop,” she repeats, mumbling. 

And now, drawn out of the millions of questions he has swirling in his head, Ben notices the tear tracks that line Rey’s cheeks.

“I get it.” Rey hiccups. “I made a mistake. You don’t need to berate me like I’m some misbehaving child...nobody is more mad at me than me right now.”

Ben stands abruptly from the table, walking back to the counter to switch on the electric kettle. Leaning against the fridge, he watches as Rey takes a couple breaths, wipes her face, and then finishes her stir fry. 

Getting a mug from the cabinet, Ben places a bag of Finn’s favourite chai inside, and waits.

When the water is ready, he pours it, and gingerly pads back over to the table to place the mug on the table.

Looking up from her seat, Rey’s sad eyes meet Ben’s warm ones.

“I’m sorry that this happened to you, Rey.” Ben murmurs, pouring all the sincerity he can into his words. “Nobody deserves that.”

“Thank you.” Rey whispers.

Swallowing, Ben gestures to the mug he placed next to her plate. “My mom used to make me tea when I was upset, so…”

Rey sniffs, and then suddenly stands, wrapping her arms around Ben in a tentative hug. Slowly, he brings his arms around to rub her back, and she relaxes into his chest.

He isn’t sure how long they stand there, with her tears dampening the cotton of his shirt as he continues to gently stroke his hand up and down her spine. 

He _is_ sure that it’s been years since he held anyone. 

_  
  
  
_

**November 24th, 2011**

* * *

_  
  
_

“Have you heard from Rey?”

Lips turned down in confusion, Ben finishes washing his hands and wipes his hand on Rose’s handmade tea towel. “Why would I hear from Rey?”

“I dunno,” Rose shrugs, “but when I texted her to confirm my address this morning I got no response, so I was wondering if you had heard anything.”

Ben shakes his head. “She’s more your friend than mine, so-”

“- _Ben_.” 

In his entire life, Rose Tico is the only person he has met who comes close to his late mother’s legendary ability to scold.

“You’ve known her for two years,” Rose continues, “and besides, I thought she was growing on you?”

He nods. “I didn’t say I didn’t like her, just that you and her are closer than she and I. She has grown on me, definitely, but the two of us don’t hang out separately from all of us as a group.”

“I guess that’s fair.” Rose opens a cabinet door, pointing to the top shelf. “Could you-”

“Yeah.” Getting the fancy plates - Rose’s words - down from where they hibernate every year, waiting until their time to shine at Friendsgiving, Ben carefully carries them to the table. Diligently unstacking them to set the places.

“She’s supposed to be bringing her new guy, tonight.” Rose calls from the kitchen.

Ben rolls his eyes. “Let’s cross our fingers that this one is better than the last one.”

_  
  
_

~~~~~

_  
  
_

As it turns out, Thomas is much worse than Rey’s last boyfriend. 

Thomas is cocksure and inconsiderate, the type of person who redirects the conversation to be about himself at every chance. Ben does his best to bite his tongue, and politely engage with everyone around him despite the way Thomas’ presence grates on him like nails on a chalkboard. 

Over the course of dinner, Finn and Rose seem to have less trouble interacting with Thomas than Ben. 

Rose would say it’s because Ben is the sensitive one. 

She isn’t wrong. 

Overall, dinner is fine. Though he would have preferred to never cross paths with Thomas, Ben is grateful for his friends, for the food everyone made, and for the compliments everyone gives his legendary pies.

Ben recalls a time when he spent Thanksgiving alone at the office, back when he made a habit of working himself to death. 

This is much better, even with Thomas present. 

“I don’t know why, after four years of doing this, you still insist on washing my dishes.” 

Rose grins playfully, drawing Ben out of his reverie. 

He smiles softly as he scrubs a plate. “I like doing it. It’s calming.”

She laughs, and then narrows her eyes. “So?”

“So?” Ben parrots back, unsure where this is going.

Crossing her arms and coming to lean against the stove next to him, Rose asks “Thomas?”

Ben shrugs. “He’s alright...less shy than Jim.”

“Less shy?”

“Yeah,” Ben pulls the plug to drain the sink. “Remember that time we went bowling? Jim barely said ten words the entire-”

“-Ben.” Rose levels him with a stare. “I do remember Jim. I’m just surprised that after the dinner we just had all you have to say about Thomas is that he is ‘alright’.”

She raises her eyebrows as he dries his hands on a towel. Clenching his jaw, Ben sighs.

“What do you want me to say, Rose?”

“I want to know what you honestly thought of him.”

“What did you think of him?”

“Nuh-uh,” Rose scoffs. “I asked you first Benjamin.”

He rolls his eyes. “I know that you know my name is not Benjamin.”

“Yeah well, tell me the truth and I won’t have to call you by your full name.”

“It’s not my full name-”

“-Benjamin Solo I swear-”

“-Fine!” Ben grunts. “Thomas seemed like a dick. My first impression was not a good one.”

“Right!” Rose lets out a relieved groan. “Finn seemed to think he was okay, but the way that he conducted himself was just…”

“-Inconsiderate?”

“That’s more polite than the word I was going to say, but yes.”

Ben sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “But, I mean, if Rey likes him, then…”

Rolling her eyes, Rose mutters something under her breath before grinning, and giving him a hug.

“Thanks for coming, Ben.”

He nods and gives her a soft smile. “Thanks for having me.”

_  
  
_

**January 14th, 2012**

* * *

As he reaches for two packages of gnocchi, Ben’s cell phone rings. Dropping the pasta into the basket alongside his other ingredients for dinner, he answers to hear Finn’s voice on the other line talking to somebody else.

“Finn?”

“Oh hey, man sorry I-” Finn mutters something to whoever is with him, before continuing, “So I know I’m supposed to be there at six-thirty, but I’m dealing with a bit of an emergency so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

Ben frowns. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, well..no. But,” Finn lets out a tense exhale. “Remember how Rey moved into Thomas’ apartment two weeks ago?”

“Of course, I helped you find a new roommate.”

“Okay, well, Rey and Thomas had a fight, apparently, and she went home this afternoon and he’s changed the locks on the door and she can’t get in. She’s here with me now and I’m just trying to-”

“-Is she okay?”

“Not really.” 

“Okay.” Ben runs a hand over his face, “well, let me know if you need any help. I’ll let Rose know you won’t make it.”

“Thanks man.” The line goes dead.

When Ben explains to Rose why Finn won’t make it, she just sighs. 

_  
  
_

**January 17th, 2013**

* * *

“I don’t understand why you had to call _me_ to do this,” Rose whines from the other end of the phone. “Finn is much taller than I am, and so is Rey.”

“But neither of them are as handy as you are, besides I can lift you up.” Ben gestures to everyone around his apartment, silently asking if they are ready.

Finn and Hux, both wearing garishly bright birthday hats, give Ben a big thumbs up.

“Oh-kay. I’m just about to get out of the elevator.”

“Come on in, the door is open.”

Ben hangs up, and surveys his apartment. All the streamers, balloons, and confetti will be a bitch to clean up tomorrow, but hopefully it will be worth it. The hand painted sign - a joint effort between him and Rey - that says THIRTY FLIRTY AND THRIVING hands over his window. Ben smiles, recalling Rey using her brush to spray him with paint.

And then, the apartment door opens.

“Benjamin Solo, I can’t believe you-”

“-SURPRISE!” All the party guests call out, stunning Rose into silence. 

An inscrutable expression crosses her face, and Ben wonders briefly if this was a bad idea.

Then Rose grins, “I _knew_ you didn’t have a problem with your ceiling fan, so help me Benjamin, you’re lucky we are best friends.”

Everyone laughs, and Finn starts the music. Rose pulls Hux down for a kiss that borders on inappropriate considering that they are not alone, but hey, it’s her birthday, so Ben just looks away.

Five minutes later, Rey arrives with more alcohol than someone her size should be able to carry. Ben watches as she plasters a wide smile on her face and gives Rose a hug. He sees the way her smile fades immediately once Rose turns around, and he also sees her carry a bottle of vodka into the kitchen.

He follows her, and watches as she pours herself three shots and downs them all.

“Rough night?” Ben crosses his arms casually. 

She frowns at him, and pours herself another shot. “Bryan and I broke up.”

“Today?”

“An hour ago.”

Ben lets out a low whistle, and then opens the fridge to pull out a plate of finger food.

“Here.” He holds the plate out to Rey. “If you’re going to drink like that, best get some food in you.”

Rey takes a couple wraps, popping them in her mouth in quick succession. “Thanks,” she says once she is done chewing.

He nods. “I’m sorry, about Bryan. I actually liked him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rey glares.

“Nothing!” Ben scratches the back of his neck, “nothing, I just, that’s too bad.”

Letting out a low hmpf, Rey narrows her eyes. “Whatever.”

Grabbing the bottle of vodka, she brushes past him back into the party.

_  
  
_

~~~~~

_  
  
_

Hours later, as Finn’s party playlist plays around them, it becomes obvious that Rey did not take his advice about eating seriously. That, or she’s a lightweight. 

“Bennnnnnnnnnnnn.” She slurs through a goofy grin. “Big Bennnnnnnn.”

Rey takes a step toward him, only to falter. He reaches forward and gently catches her elbows, helping her up.

“We need to get you some water.”

“Mmmmmmm, water.” Rey blinks slowly. “You’re so - _hic_ \- thoughtful.”

He laughs. “When was the last time you got this wasted?”

“Dunno.” Rey rolls her head dramatically. “When did you...when was las’ time you got laid?”

Ben stills, his hand still wrapped around one of her elbows. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, it’s jus’,” Rey lets out a dramatic sigh. “I never _see_ you with anybo- _hic_ \- anybody, and you’re so, you’re so…”

Brows knit together, he asks, “I’m so what?”

“Old.” Rey says assertively. 

Exhaling through his teeth, Ben lets out a soft chuckle. “Compared to you, I guess I am old.”

Eyes wide, Rey nods. “‘Zactly. You’re, you’re thirty- _five_ and I’m, I...why are you always alone?”

Ben opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by Rey’s lips slanting sloppily over his. She tastes like vodka and chocolate cake, a combination he never would have thought would be appealing. With one hand still on her elbow, he places another on her collarbone to gently push her back.

“ _Rey_.” 

She pouts. “But you-”

“-You’re too drunk for this.” He lets go of her, and runs a hand through his hair. “Let’s get you some water, and you can lie down in my spare room.”

Rey continues to pout, but follows him to the bedroom anyways. Once they are in the room and she is seated on the edge of the bed, he leaves to grab a glass of water. 

“What’s going on with that?” Rose waggles her eyebrows at Ben suggestively, nodding her head toward the spare bedroom.

“Nothing,” Ben shakes his head. “Rey’s just had too much to drink.”

“Hmmmm.” 

“Do you like the party?” He asks earnestly.

“ _Yes_.” Rose beams, “thank you Ben.”

He ducks his head, bashful at the way the tips of his ears go hot, and grabs a glass of water.

When he returns to the room, Rey is asleep. 

Carefully, Ben removes her shoes, and tucks her under the blankets, leaving the glass of water on the bedside table. 

“Goodnight, Rey.” He murmurs before shutting the door.

_  
  
_

~~~~~

_  
  
_

When he gets up the next morning, the door to the spare room is still closed and her coat remains on the rack by the front door. 

Taking a long look around at the mess, Ben resigns himself to the fact that he will likely spend all day cleaning. Rose, and everyone else, partied like they were twenty, not thirty, it seems. He sighs, and then gets to work on breakfast. 

Rey emerges into the kitchen just as he is plating scrambled eggs and bacon. 

“Hey.” He whispers softly, placing both plates on the table.

She mumbles something that sounds like “smells delicious” before flopping down into the chair.

“Coffee?”

Rey nods, and he pours her a cup. 

They sit in companionable silence for a couple minutes as Rey inhales her food and Ben eats at a more regular pace. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I drank my weight in vodka.” Rey scoffs, taking a sip of her coffee.

Ben lets out a low chuckle. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

Rey looks at him, and then quickly looks away, taking the last bite of her breakfast. She swallows, and takes another sip of coffee. “I remember that you didn’t want me.” The words come out of her mouth dripping in bitterness.

“Rey.” Ben swallows. “I never- that...that was not the issue, I didn’t,” he groans in frustration. “You were way too drunk for anything to happen. And I-”

“-You what?” She interjects sternly.

“I...look, I know we aren’t super close, but we _are_ friends, and I hate watching you do this to yourself over and over. I just, all of that, coupled with how much you drank, it wouldn’t have-”

“-Watch me do what, over and over?” She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms.

“Self-destruct.” Ben rubs the back of his neck. “You somehow manage to find the shittiest dudes on the planet, and then are surprised when they turn out to actually not be nice underneath it all and break your heart, it’s-”

“-like _you_ of all people should be giving me dating advice.” Rey stands, her chair clattering back against the floor. “When was the last time you were even _in_ a relationship?”

“It’s been a while,” he admits, “but that doesn’t mean that I’m blind to what you-”

“-Fuck you.” Rey spits, before storming out of his apartment. 

She slams the door on the way out.

_  
  
_

**December 31st, 2013**

* * *

“Thank you again, for everything you’ve done, man.” Poe claps him on the shoulder once they step into the elevator. “Having you show me around has been the saving grace.”

“Not a problem.”

Ben had not spoken to his childhood friend Poe...well, since childhood, and had been surprised to find a Facebook message waiting in his inbox a month ago. Newly relocated to the city for his job, Poe found himself in a new place with no friends or family.

Except Ben Solo. 

Falling back into their friendship was as easy as knowing all the words to his old favourite song. He and Poe fit well together.

So here they are, riding the elevator up to the rooftop party Finn was hosting as some sort of proof of his event planning talents to a potential boss. Ben, Rose, and Rey were all given free tickets including a plus one.

Rose was to be accompanied by her fiance - a recent development, with upcoming January nuptials, Poe was Ben’s plus one, and Rey was certain to have dug someone up to bring.

After arriving, Ben introduces Poe to everyone before heading to the bar to grab a drink. 

It takes all of about five minutes for Poe to start flirting with Rey.

“What’s going on there?” Rose sidles up to Ben.

Ben just shrugs. 

“Is this a set up? Did you bring him here to meet Rey?” Rose’s eyes widen. “I thought Rey was still mad at you, why would you-”

“-No.” Ben shook his head, “but the possibility did occur to me. Poe’s a good guy, but he’ll also fuck anyone. A couple times he even fucked my mom’s best friend.”

“No shit!” Rose sputters.

“Yeah.” Ben shakes his head, taking a small sip of champagne. “Besides, none of us have ever been able to stop Rey once she takes an interest in someone.”

Rose hums.

“And yes, as far as I’m aware,” Ben clicks his tongue, “she’s still mad at me.”

_  
  
_

~~~~~

_  
  
_

It’s a good party, a great one, even. 

Ben and Rose dance. Finn rejoices at having successfully thrown a huge event, and as the hour grows late, Rose and Hux hold each other tight while swaying gently to some imaginary slow song that plays just for them. 

Ben watches as his favourite people in the world count down the seconds.

He also watches as Poe and Rey share a passionate kiss at midnight, and brushes away the uncomfortable tinge it causes in his chest.

_  
  
_

**November 27th, 2014**

* * *

Poe’s induction and a new member of their friend group does wonders for Rey's animosity towards Ben.

Given that Poe and Ben are close, and Rey is Poe’s girlfriend, they have spent an increasing amount of time in each other’s presence. At dinner one time, Rey quietly cornered Ben on his return from the washroom. 

To apologize, and to thank him, for not taking advantage when she had been drunk.

And that was that. 

Here Ben is, being called into the kitchen by a very pregnant Rose, to grab the fancy plates from their spot on the highest shelf in the cabinet. Given the advanced stage of her pregnancy, Hux and Finn had done all the cooking - aside from the pie, which was, of course, Ben’s responsibility. 

As he sets the table, Rose, Finn, and Hux, take their seats. 

All that’s left is Rey and Poe, who are bringing the booze. 

_  
  
_

~~~~~

_  
  
_

Nobody says anything about it when Rey arrives twenty minutes late, alone. Hux takes her coat and everyone gracefully ignores the chair that sits empty next to her throughout dinner. When the main course is done, and the pies are warming in the oven, they all watch as Rey excuses herself to the balcony.

Ben stands. “I’m gonna…” and slowly opens the sliding glass door. 

Eyes glistening, Rey lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “Come to say I told you so?”

“What?” Ben’s brows knit together.

“You were right, I sure know how to pick ‘em.” Rey shivers as the November wind blows over them. “And here I am; self-destructing again.”

“Ah.” Ben swallows, and runs a hand through his hair. “That’s not something I wanted to be right about.”

Rey hums. “Do you want to know what happened?”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Amilyn was in town last week.”

Ben’s eyebrows rise to his hairline. “And he-”

“-They ‘reconnected.’” She sighs, and runs a hand over her face. “Anyways, whatever. It’s fucking cold out here and I want some pie.”

Ben slides the door open, and steps aside to let Rey back inside first. 

As always, everyone says his pie is delicious. 

_  
  
_

**December 31st, 2014**

* * *

“I’ve started applying to schools.” Rey says tentatively after a sip of champagne.

“That’s great.” Ben beams. “I know college was something you always wanted to do.”

“I know twenty-seven isn’t the typical age people get an undergrad degree,” Rey shrugs, “but-”

“-Fuck typical, Rey. This is really exciting.”

“Yeah?” She looks up at him, her hazel eyes filled with hope as they meet his brown ones.

“Yeah.”

She clears her throat. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." He takes another sip of his drink, savoring the bubbles on his tongue.

"How come you never bring anyone to these things? Or to Friendsgiving? Or to anything?" Rey tilts her head and looks at him, as if he is a puzzle she needs to solve.

"Because there isn't anyone." Ben answers nonchalantly.

Her nose wrinkles. "Ever?"

He shrugs. "I...my father used to tell this story, about the moment he knew my mom was the one." Ben runs a hand through his hair. "I guess, I mean I'm not holding my breath or anything, but I do hope that something like that happens to me. That there is a moment, when I know. And it hasn't happened yet."

Rey blinks several times, digesting his words.

"I think that is the most words I've ever heard you say in a row."

Ben laughs harder than he has in a long time.

~~~~~

  
  


This time, Rey stands next to him at the outskirts of the room as they watch everyone count down to 2015, and when the confetti falls and the excitement of a new year dawns on those around them, she smiles softly before placing a tender kiss on his cheek.

“Happy New Year, Ben.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please check out the rest of my pieces for the Red collection! each fic inspired by a song from Taylor Swift's album _Red._


	2. hide away and find your peace of mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey: 2015 & 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted two chapters in quick succession so make sure you've read chapter 1 before starting this! <3
> 
>  **content warnings:**  
>  Rey dates someone pretty controlling, bordering on emotional manipulation/abuse (the June, August, & September 2015 sections)  
> pregnancy & parenthood (Rose/Hux)  
> discussion of childhood neglect in Rey's past
> 
>   
> moodboard by hellyjellybean
> 
> let me know if I've missed any tags.

**January 7th, 2015**

* * *

  
  


Ben had never put a lot of thought into his future, and since quitting his awful job nearly a decade ago, had learned to excel at living in the moment. He became a more calm, grateful person than he ever had been.

But now, standing in the hospital next to his best friend, holding her baby in his arms, Ben wonders if he ever wants to have children of his own. 

The Tico baby - name still to be determined - is absolutely tiny, and Ben is mesmerized. He can’t help but catalogue all her adorable features. 

“May I?” Rey asks tentatively from behind him.

“Of course.” Gingerly, Ben transfers his goddaughter into Rey’s arms, before turning back to smile at Rose and Hux. “She’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t she?” Rose stifles a yawn. “Man, I could sleep for a year.”

They laugh, and a couple minutes later Rey hands the baby back to her parents. She and Ben bid their goodbyes, and then head out of the hospital together.

Rey lets out a long exhale. “That baby is so lucky.”

“How so?”

“Well,” Rey shrugs one shoulder, “she has healthy parents who love her, who want her, can feed her and provide anything she may need.... _and_ a troupe of aunts and uncles all jumping to take care of her. She’s lucky that way.”

Ben hums. “That sort of sounds like the bare minimum for a newborn.”

“You’d think so.” Rey mumbles under her breath. “Anyways, I’m excited to babysit her. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent time with young children but I used to li- I used to a lot when I was younger.”

Swallowing, he runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve never really spent any time with kids, or babies, but I’m willing to try, and learn, I guess.”

“You better!” Rey bumps her shoulder against him playfully, “otherwise Rose and Hux are going to seriously regret choosing you to be a godparent.”

Ben laughs, and then stills. “Do you think it’s odd that we still call him Hux even though he’s legally been Armitage Tico for a year?”

“If you think I am ever going to call him Armitage, or _Armie_ …” Rey scoffs. “I guess it is sort of odd, but it’s like, someone who goes by their nickname and never gets called by their first name, it’s just what is normal.”

Nodding, Ben breaks into a grin. “I will never forget Finn’s reaction though, when he said-”

“-'Who the fuck is Armitage?’” Rey’s bright, toothy smile spreads across her face, and then she clutches her stomach laughing. “Good thing it was an informal ceremony, at any other wedding it would’ve been a huge disruption.”

The two of them stand there, in the doorway to the hospital, laughing like a couple of idiots for a long time. 

When Ben gets home and has some time to himself, he thinks maybe he should start thinking about his future a little more seriously. 

  
  


**March 27th, 2015**

* * *

It doesn’t escape Ben’s notice that, the next couple of times they all go out, Rey’s wardrobe has changed. Not dramatically, but where she used to favour more practical, comfortable clothes, all of her items of clothing seem to have been upgraded to a much higher quality.

Three times, he has seen her sporting a designer handbag - a different one each time, as well as what he thinks might be a Kate Spade watch. Instead of her usual beat up converse, brand new Nikes sit on her feet, and her previously self-done nails have been replaced by expert looking manicures. 

When he asks Rose about it, she’s been too tired from the change of a new baby to even notice. 

Tonight is one such night, where even as they are both in cozy clothes to babysit Olivia - turns out the Tico’s had settled on the baby name almost immediately after Ben and Rey had ended their hospital visit - an expensive pair of earrings hang from Rey’s ears and the watch sits on her slim wrist.

With the baby asleep in her room, Ben watches as Rey scrolls through the channels in search of something to watch until Rose and Hux come home from their date. 

“I spoke to Poe last week.” Rey says nonchalantly, as her deft fingers continue to work the remote.

“You...what?” Ben turns on the couch to frown at Rey.

“Yeah.” Rey swallows. “He wanted to meet, and I thought, why not?”

“Oh-kay....and?”

“He apologized for how things ended with us, and...well, that was that.” Rey shrugs. “He was glad to hear that I am doing well and happy that I’m seeing someone else, so in the end, I guess it-”

“-Since when are you seeing someone else?” Ben sits forward on the couch, certain he is displaying what Rose long ago dubbed his ‘I’m not actually angry I’m just confused’ face.

“Uhmm,” Rey tugs on the end of her ponytail, “Since about...six weeks ago?”

“I had no idea.” Ben rubs his jaw.

“Yeah...I-” Rey sighs. “After, after well, everything...I just want to make sure it’s... _right_ , before I introduce him to you guys. You know?”

Ben features soften, turning into a barely there smile. “Yeah. Well, good for you.”

Rey is quiet, before whispering a soft, “thanks.”

Not a second after, the door unlocks and Olivia’s parents tiptoe into the apartment. 

  
  


**June 12th, 2015**

* * *

  
  


The last three Fridays, Rey had cancelled their weekly movie night for plans with her boyfriend. Ever elusive and mysterious, Ben still has yet to meet this Peter who takes Rey to the opera and whisks her away on surprise weekend trips to Mexico. 

Nearing almost six months of her dating him, Ben is starting to wonder about the fact that they haven’t been introduced yet. 

Today, however, Rey had called him at lunch to confirm that, yes, she will actually come over tonight, and no, she won’t forget to bring dessert. She also had expressed what sounded like a sincere apology for missing what had become their routine, for two consecutive weeks. 

Movie nights had provided Ben with a surprising window into Rey’s life.

Like the time that her adamance that they _not_ watch _Annie_ had led to her quietly recounting the neglect and pain she suffered as an orphan in foster care, or how her complete disinterest in fairy tales and romances was explained in a flippant “that’s not real life.”

Slowly, having become actual friends outside of the group gatherings, Ben was forming a fuller, more detailed picture of who Rey is in his head. 

The oven timer goes off, signaling that the lasagne is ready, and Ben turns his attention back to preparing the food.

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


Thirty minutes into their second movie, Rey pauses it and stands up, announcing “I’m ready for dessert.”

Ben laughs, and follows her back into the kitchen, watching as she pulls the chocolate mousse out of the fridge and begins to dish it up.

“When do you get to do your course selection for the fall term?” Ben asks, leaning against the counter.

Rey inhales sharply, and her hands still. “I, um...I’ve deferred my offer.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” She swallows and then smiles half-heartedly. “I just, well I was having second thoughts, and I mean, why spend all that money on tuition if I’m not totally sold on it, you know? I’m just not sure that I need it, after all.”

Recalling the excitement in her voice when she had told him on New Year’s about submitting her applications, Ben frowns. 

“So, you’re not going to go at all?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know yet. But I for sure won’t be in September.”

“Hmm.” Ben blinks, wondering what has changed. “Well, I’m a bit shocked to hear that, but hey, if that’s what you want to do, then-”

“-It is.” Rey rushes out. “What, _I_ want, I mean.”

“Okay.” Despite remaining unconvinced, he gives her a soft smile. “Are we going to stand around and stare at dessert, or eat it?”

Rey smiles, and scoops some mousse into a bowl before sliding it across the counter to him.

Ben takes a bite, and is about to sing Rey’s praises as a chef when her phone begins vibrating across the countertop. She frowns, and answers.

“Hello?”

Ben cannot hear what is being said on the other side, but it is a man’s voice, and he does not sound happy. Her eyes flit to Ben briefly before she turns away.

“I know...but remember I said it was-” Rey pauses as the man speaks, “yes, I know. But I missed the last Fridays because…” she pauses again, “yes, I understand. Yes, I’ll be home soon.”

He doesn’t miss the way the longer Rey is on the phone, the more demure her demeanor becomes. 

She hangs up.

“I’m sorry about that.” Rey sighs and wipes a hand over her face. “I forgot Peter and I are meeting some friends at a country club upstate tomorrow and we have an early start to get there.”

“Okay?” Ben says, tilting his head to the side.

Rey gestures to the clock on Ben’s wall, which reads ten forty-five. “It’s getting late, so I need to get back. You can finish the movie without me, if you want.”

Then, in the span of what couldn’t be more than ten seconds, Rey plants a quick kiss on his cheek, puts on her shoes and coat, and closes the door behind her. 

Ben stands there for at least five minutes, trying to make sense of everything that just happened. 

  
  


**August 29th, 2015**

* * *

“What?” Ben asks, as Finn hangs up the phone in a noticeably worse mood than when he answered the call.

“Rey can’t make it.” Finn spits through gritted teeth. 

“She just cancelled?” 

He glowers. “Yep.” 

Ben narrows his eyes. “Did she say why?”

“Does it even fucking matter?” Finn shakes his head. “She always has some excuse lately...even though I told her how much it meant to me that-”

Rubbing a hand over his jaw, Finn exhales and schools his expression. Ben reaches out and places a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“It’s really shitty of her to cancel on you like that, I know you were looking forward to having us all over for dinner.”

Finn takes a deep breath, and then nods. “Yeah. Well, what can you do? Since you’re here early, help me set the table.”

“Sure thing.”

As they lay the plates, utensils, and napkins out, Ben tries to count backwards and remember the last time Rey actually made it to a group gathering or more than one Friday movie night a month. His heart sinks into his stomach when he realizes that he has no clue.

March, maybe?

Just as he is making a mental note to check in with Rey one-on-one, Rose and Hux walk through the door.

“Ok everyone, the party has officially started!” Rose grins, holding up a bottle of wine.

“Honey,” Hux says through a smile, “it’s not actually a party, remember, it’s just dinner.”

“I know, but,” Rose shrugs happily, “it’s nice to have the gang all together, and besides, you’d think it was a party the way Finn planned it so hard!”

After hanging their coats, Finn wipes his hands on his jeans nervously. “Actually, there is sort of an ulterior purpose to having you all over tonight.”

“You’re pregnant!” Rose gasps, overdramatically pointing at Finn’s torso.

He lets out a strained chuckle. “Uh, no.”

At the hesitant expression on Finn’s face, Rose pales. “Wait, did you _get_ someone pregnant?”

“No, no, I just...um, okay. There’s someone I want you guys to meet, though.” He turns toward the bedroom door, and calls “babe, you can come out now.”

The door opens, and out walks a man with brown hair, smartly dressed in dark jeans and a navy button down. Ben’s eyebrows crease as a flare of recognition crosses his mind. 

“This, uh,” Finn coughs, “this is Mitt, and he’s my-”

“-I’m his boyfriend.” Mitt smiles. “We’ve been dating since New Year’s but Finn was too nervous to tell you all because he wasn’t officially ‘out’.”

Letting out a long exhale, Finn rubs the back of his neck and looks at the faces of his friends, trying to suss out their reaction.

Ben steps forward and holds out a hand. “Great to meet you, Mitt. I’m Ben.”

As they shake hands, Mitt grins. “You’re the sensitive one, right?”

“Babe!” Finn slaps Mitt on the arm in mock outrage. 

Hux lets out a loud guffaw, before holding his hand out to Mitt. “Ben is the sensitive one.”

“And you’re Armitage, but you go by Hux, which used to be your surname…” Mitt looks to Rose. “The two of you are married, and you have a daughter?”

“Dayum, Finn.” Rose wiggles her eyebrows as she shakes Mitt’s hand. “Not only did you find someone hot, he’s also good at listening!”

They all laugh, and a light blush colours Finn’s cheeks.

‘Well,” Mitt says, “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you all in person because Finn has told me so much about you.”

As they make their way towards their seats at the table, Rose comments “You’ll have to start by telling us all about yourself, Mitt, because you know lots about us but we’re coming in blind here.”

“Sure, why don’t I start with my name?” Mitt gestures to Hux, “like you, Mitt is not actually my legal name. In some unfortunate accident I was named Dopheld Mitaka. One of my high school friends started calling me Mitt, and, well, it stuck.”

“Dopheld might be worse than Armitage.” Hux laughs.

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


Over the course of dinner, Mitt proves himself to be more than worthy of the affection Finn harbours for him, folding in easily into their conversation and asking thoughtful questions when necessary.

He also, much to everyone’s relief, does not bring up the obvious fact that there is someone missing. 

Later, when he and Hux are talking sports, and Finn is in the kitchen readying dessert, Ben turns to Rose.

“Rose, can I ask you something?” 

She snorts. “When have you ever not asked me something, Benjamin?”

He rolls his eyes and then swallows. “Have you...have you met Peter? Rey’s boyfriend?”

“You haven’t?” Rose frowns. 

“So you have?”

She shakes her head. “No, ever since Olivia was born, I mean, we’ve been spending less time together, but I thought since the two of you were better friends that you would have…”

Rose trails off, her frown only deepening.

“What?”

“Well, I just…” Rose rubs her chin. “I thought the reason I hadn’t seen her as much was because of me, you know, because of Olivia, but…”

“It’s not you,” Ben nods. “It’s her. She’s been flaking on all of us.”

“Hmmm.” 

“Dessert!!” Finn calls from the kitchen. “If you’re ready, come and get it!”

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


When Ben gets home, he pulls up the Facebook app on his iPhone, and searches Rey’s friend list for a Peter. Clicking on the profile for Peter Irving, something akin to an alarm bell flares in his mind. 

It takes him a minute of staring at Peter’s profile picture before it hits him that he has met Peter before. Just in passing, and years ago, when Ben still worked for Snoke. 

Peter is one of the infamous ‘Irving Boys’ that works at Irving & Ducain Investments. Their firm, and longtime liaising with Snoke, was one of the reasons that Ben had quit.

Closing his eyes, Ben lets out a long breath. A few beats later, he closes the Facebook app and pulls out his messages.

**To Rey:**

_Hey, we need to talk. When are you free to meet?_

  
  


**September 14th, 2015**

* * *

  
  


She arrives at his apartment three minutes early, bundled up against the September chill in a coat that looks like it costs more than Ben’s monthly rent, a navy scarf, and black leather gloves.

He smiles, and pulls Rey into a hug, murmuring “It’s good to see you,” into her hair. 

“You too.” She unbuttons her coat, hanging it and her scarf on the coat rack. After removing her shoes, Rey follows him into the kitchen where he has two mugs of tea ready. 

“Chai.” Ben says as he places the mug in front of her.

“Thanks.” Rey removes her gloves, and Ben blanches at the sight of an expensive looking diamond ring on the fourth finger of her left hand.

He doesn’t hear whatever it is that she says next.

“Ben? Ben?” 

Ben blinks. “I’m sorry, I just...are you engaged?”

Rey’s nose wrinkles. “Yes, that’s what I was just...I was just apologizing for being so busy. Just with the new apartment and wedding planning, everything has been totally crazy, and I-”

“-When did you get engaged?”

“Six weeks ago?” Rey frowns. “Did you forget? I thought-”

“-It would be impossible for me to forget something I never knew.” Ben rubs a hand over his face, letting out an exasperated sigh. “To Peter, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you think it’s odd that, I- we, _none_ of your friends have met him? And all of sudden you’re getting married?”

Rey takes a step back, looking wounded by Ben’s accusation. “He’s busy, and Rose and Hux have a lot going on with Olivia, and-”

“-those are just excuses, Rey.” He shakes his head. “I think you don’t want us to meet him, because you’ve done it again. Dug some guy up from wherever the hole in the ground is where you find these assholes, and if we meet him you’ll know from our reactions that he’s not a good guy.”

“That’s not fair, Ben. I-”

“-You know what’s not fair, Rey?” Ben points his finger at her. “ _You_ , blowing all of us off. Last month, that dinner Finn was so excited to host? It was to introduce us to his boyfriend. In July, when Rose called us over? It was because Olivia learned how to say ‘mama’ for the first time. You’ve been a terrible friend, shutting us out of your life.”

“It’s not my fault,” she whispers. “Peter-” she continues, before cutting herself off and placing a hand over her mouth.

Ben’s eyebrows rise at what seems like a slip of the tongue. “Does Peter not want you to be around us? Is he stopping you from-”

“-No.” Rey shakes her head vigorously. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like, Rey?” Ben asks softly. “We care about you, and this, your sudden decision to not go to school, us not meeting him, moving into a new apartment, your fancy new clothes, a secret engagement...these all seem like red flags.”

Rey inhales shakily. “Peter likes to buy me gifts. I’m not sure why that’s a cause for concern, it’s perfectly-”

“-Gifts he can afford with the money he makes stealing from people.” Ben grits his teeth. “Rey, the firm he works at, they have a bad reputation. I used to deal with them when…” he swallows. “Why are you marrying him? Do you love him?”

Rey is quiet for what feels like years, her gaze flitting around the room before landing on the ring that sits on her left hand. 

She swallows. “Peter is reliable, and he takes care of me.” Rey meets his gaze, her eyes brimming with tears. “I just want something that is my own, a family.”

“ _We’re_ your family, Rey.” Ben steps forward to take her left hand in his. “Me, Rose, Finn, and Hux. Is this,” Ben thumbs over her ring, “really worth losing us for?”

“I…” Rey stifles a sob, and Ben pulls her into his arms. 

“We love you, and we will take care of you.” Ben runs his hand up and down her back. “You don’t need to look anywhere else for that.”

  
  


**November 26th, 2015**

* * *

  
  


On a whim, Ben had offered to host Thanksgiving at his place this year. Rose had jokingly lamented that he has no fancy plates, and then said that it would make for a nice change of pace.

And so hear they sit, Finn, Mitt, Rose, Hux, Rey, and Ben. Laughing and enjoying a potluck meal prepared in segments by all of them.

As always, everyone eats a little bit more than they should yet somehow still have room for too-big slices of Ben’s legendary pie. As always, the tips of his ears turn red at the compliments he receives. 

Rey stays to help clean up.

With the sleeves of her maroon knit sweater rolled up, she is carrying plates into his kitchen when she clears her throat.

Ben looks up from the dishes.

“So, I, um…” Rey bites her lip. “I spoke to an advisor at the university, and it looks like I’ll be able to get started on summer classes in June.”

“Really?” Ben grins. “That’s great! When will you do your course selection?”

She puts the plates down next to the sink. “March, looks like.”

“Cool! That’s exciting news, I’m glad you-”

“-I also started going to therapy.” Rey blurts out, wringing her hands. “I just...after everything that happened with Peter, I’m _definitely_ taking a break from dating, but I also thought maybe it would be good to see a professional and talk through...you know…”

Rey swallows and cautiously raises her gaze to meet Ben’s before continuing.

“I also wanted to…” Rey pauses. “I wanted to say thank you, to you, for, for intervening when you did in September. I...I wouldn’t have- if you hadn’t said those things, I…” she shrugs. “As a kid, I never had any healthy or lasting relationships with anyone, and so it’s taken- it is _taking_ me awhile to figure out how to...how to do that. Properly.”

Ben wipes his hands on a towel and takes a deep breath.

“I’m really proud of you, Rey.”

She raises her eyebrows as confusion paints her face. “For what?”

“For all of it. For finding out how you can get back to school, for moving back into your own place and getting out of an unhealthy relationship.” Ben runs a hand through his hair. “None of that is easy.”

Rey scoffs. “I wouldn’t have done any of it if you hadn’t told me to get my head out of my ass.”

“We can agree to disagree on that part,” Ben shrugs. “But I’m still proud of you, and happy for you.”

Rey steps forward and wraps her arms around his torso, and with her face pressed to his chest, whispers “Thank you.”

As he stands there with his arms wrapped around her, Ben realizes that Rey is the only person he has held in nearly a decade. 

He wonders what that means. 

  
  


**April 10th, 2016**

* * *

  
  


When Rose had come to Ben in early January, suggesting that they plan something special for Rey’s birthday, given everything she had gone through in the last six months and also to celebrate her impending start at university, Ben had wholeheartedly agreed.

For reasons that Ben has come to understand, Rey does not like surprises. So, she was involved in every step of the planning for her twenty-ninth birthday. It began with a morning at the zoo, followed by lunch and an afternoon of Laser Tag, and now they are gathered at her apartment for dinner; takeout from her favourite Thai place. 

Early on in the planning process, Rey had insisted that they did not need to humour her sad childhood by doing these ridiculous things on her birthday, but Rose had countered by saying they weren't humouring her. They genuinely wanted to do something fun and different.

And it was fun. 

Really fun, actually.

Ben can’t remember the last time he wore a smile nearly all day. 

Best of all, is that Rey seemed to have the time of her life - sporting the widest grin every time they moved to a new enclosure at the zoo and laughing wickedly every time she killed someone during Laser Tag. 

There was a brief moment where some tears were shed for the captivity of the animals, until Hux explained that this zoo in particular works with injured and endangered species for rehabilitation. The process of it all went over Ben’s head, but it seemed to appease Rey. 

Rey cried again - happy tears this time - after dinner, when she opened her presents. 

Everyone had pooled their money for a brand new MacBook, a set of twenty pens, and a notebook. 

Her eyes welled over as she whispered that it was too much.

Overall, the day was a success.

“Knock knock.” Rey says sheepishly before entering the kitchen.

“Hey,” he looks up at her, “I’m just slicing the cake up, it’ll be ready in a minute.”

“Cool.” She takes a couple steps closer. “Hey Ben?”

Ben stills his hands. “Yeah?”

“Thank you, for everything today.” She tugs on the end of her braid. “I know you let Rose take most of the credit, but I know you helped a lot. So, thanks.”

Ben grins. “It was my pleasure, Rey.”

  
  


**November 24th, 2016**

* * *

“Ben!” Rose calls from the kitchen of the new apartment she and Hux moved into a little over a month ago. “Bennnn! I need your help!”

“Coming.” Ben puts down his drink and jogs into the kitchen. “What’s up?”

Rose smiles, and points to the top shelf of the cabinet. “It’s tradition.”

He chuckles, and reaches up to take the fancy plates down from their home. 

“You’re a gem.” Rose pats him on the shoulder lovingly, before taking a sip from her glass of water.

“No wine?” Ben raises an eyebrow, and tilts his head, wondering if the reason she and Hux moved into a bigger place is because...

Rose narrows her eyes. “ _Don’t_. Don’t say anything.” She shrugs. “I may or may not have an announcement over dinner. Stay tuned.”

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


There are, in fact, two different announcements that are given over dinner, both which result in squeals of happiness and an onslaught of well-meaning but perhaps overbearing questions for those that the news concerns. 

As Rose shares wedding advice with Finn and Mitt, and Hux takes Olivia to get ready for bedtime, Ben and Rey are left to carry the dirty dishes back into the kitchen and begin slicing up the pies.

“That’s really exciting, about Finn and Mitt.” Rey says after gently depositing some plates on the counter. “They’re kind of a perfect fit, and a June wedding will just be gorgeous.”

Ben hums in agreement as he removes the pies from the fridge. 

“I don’t know how Rose and Hux could ever make the next baby as cute as Olivia, though,” He jokes, sliding one of the pies to Rey. “But I’m excited for them.”

Rey swallows. “I already knew...about the pregnancy, I mean. Not that it’s a contest, or anything, but I’m so glad they told everyone because it was _really_ hard to not say anything.”

“Yeah?” Ben laughs. “Well, I’m sure they’re grateful you held it in.”

As she slices the pie, Rey grows quiet as if cutting up dessert is suddenly the most interesting task in the world.

“Rey?” Ben turns to face her, and watches as something melancholic flashes across her face. “Are you-”

“-I’m so lonely, Ben.” It comes out as nothing more than a whisper. “How do you…” Rey sniffs. “How do you do it? Not date anyone and still be, fine?”

Inhaling slowly, Ben thinks carefully before answering. “I used to think that I needed to be...with someone, or have a girlfriend to not be lonely. But, over time, I realized that it’s not sustainable to rely on someone else for my happiness.” He runs a hand through his hair, “Instead, I try to remind myself of what I have, things that I am grateful for.”

Rey bites her lip. “And how do you...how do you cope with, stuff like this?” She gestures around the apartment.

“Like what?”

“Your friends getting married, having kids.” She wipes at her face frantically, as if ashamed of the tears that well there. “It feels like it’s all happening without me.”

Stepping forward, Ben cups one hand around her elbow. “It’s not. It’s not happening without you, and they need you. _We_ need you, Rey. You are important to all of us, and everyone- we all want you here for our milestones..” He lets out a soft smile. “And when the time comes, we will be here for yours.”

“Okay.” Rey nods. “Okay...that’s- I, well. Thank you.”

“No-”

“-Where the _fuck_ is that pie, Benjamin!” Rose yells from the living room with an unnecessary level of sass.

“Uh oh.” Ben raises his eyebrows. “Looks like our favourite demon, Pregnant Rose is back.”

Rey laughs, and dishes the pie slices on to their plates. 

  
  


**December 31st, 2016**

* * *

  
  


They are one minute to midnight when it happens. 

The moment. 

_“It isn’t like in the movies, kid,” is what his father had told him. “Time doesn’t slow down, your favourite song isn’t playing, the room won’t disappear like there’s nobody else. It probably won’t even be something big that makes you realize...but when you do,” Han feigned getting shot in the chest, “it’ll hit you, and you’ll just know.”_

And it turns out, his father was right. 

When Ben gets home that night, he tries to make sense of it. Replaying the events of that critical minute over in his head. 

It went something like this.

Bazine had been there, at Finn’s now annual New Year’s party - that this year, doubled as an engagement party. A surprised look had crossed Rey’s face when Ben said that he and Baz used to date, years ago, and much to his own shock, the two women then spent nearly an hour chatting while Ben watched curiously from across the room.

And then, the DJ announced “ONE. MINUTE. TIL. MIDNIIIIIIGHT! Let’s make some NOISE.”

Suddenly, Rey was standing beside him, sipping her cocktail with a sly grin on her face.

“What?” Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing, I just…” She runs her tongue over her teeth. “Bazine is...interesting.”

Ben barks out a short laugh. “That’s one way to put it.”

“Did you really date her?”

“It was ten years ago,” Ben shrugs. “I was a different person then.”

Rey hums flatly before giving a shrug of her own. “Well, whoever you were, I’m sure I would have forced your stubborn ass to be my friend. I’m gonna grab another drink.”

With that, she disappeared to the bar and Ben was left staring after her as a bizarre, warm feeling came over him.

_It’ll hit you, and you’ll just know_.

It did hit him, and suddenly, Ben knew. 

Rey is the one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone who has seen _Watchmen_ (2019), the December 31st 2016 bit was heavily inspired by Cal's "this is the moment" scene in 'A God Walks Into a Bar'.
> 
> if you have the time or interest, I'd love it if you check out my other pieces in the _Red_ collection!  
> one fic for each song (it's a work in progress) from Taylor Swift's _Red_ album.
> 
> come find me on twitter @OctopusSoap

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is definitely more angsty than the song it's based on...
> 
> check out the other pieces in my Reylo_Red collection!  
>  **Completed:**  
> [ All Too Well ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23312638)  
> [ Begin Again ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23191651)  
> [ Stay Stay Stay ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23299768)  
> [ State of Grace ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23174839)  
> [ Holy Ground ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/24064783)  
> [ Everything Has Changed ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23517154)  
> [ I Almost Do ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23224756)


End file.
